Bruce's Dishwasher Rant

An entertaining rant composed by Bruce, reposted here to entertain, and also to make my blog look better. :-)



So I like to think that posts are about issues, ideas, philosophies, and well thought-out arguments on globally relevant themes.

So here goes: Our @$%$# dishwasher is based on dishonesty. I bought it from Sears in 2008, all bright-eyed and trusting in the efficient modalities of the economy and the free marketplace. I researched, haggled, kicked tires, and finally bought this shiny new modcon. I was mildly dismayed when I began getting repeated calls (about 20 a day, it seemed) from insistent ladies with hidden caller IDs telling me that it would fall apart soon unless I bought an extended warranty. Are you joking? The sales literature says it is device of the highest quality and most excellent design. What gives? This subsided after I lost my cool with the telemarketers and threatened to call THEM at home.

All good. But recently we noticed that the dishes were no longer as clean as before. To the point where it was no longer washing anything on the top tray at all. I consulted the instruction manual, read the troubleshooting guide, confirmed that the water was on, the power was on, I was a proud republican, and that I otherwise deserved to have clean dishes. No hint of what to do other than Call For Servicing. Sounds expensive. Should we scrap it? Are they just so poorly made that they wear out in three years? The service call would cost at least $ 100.00, way more if things needed to be changed, not to mention waiting around for someone to visit.

So while I was punching my way through the menus on the 800 number, and became annoyed that they wouldn't help me unless I had both the incomprehensibly long model number and serial number (the serial number would allow for about 10^68 dishwashers in the universe; wouldn't you really be better off just to buy a new one, the subtext went...) I googled "Fix Kenmore DW". I found that I was not the only person with this issue. I found a website with a detailed explanation of how to clean the filters, complete with pics! Filters? WTF! Why doesn't the instruction manual talk about these? In any case, about an hour later, after having disassembled the inside of the tub, using unusual tools like a "Torx T-25 socket driver", I was able to remove several filters, junk traps, and a device with the mildly disturbing name of "the macerator" and reassemble everything to find that it worked PERFECTLY.

Talk about planned obsolescence. Let me understand this.. It has a one year warranty. It has filters and serviceable parts that are buried and inaccessible (unless you have a Torx T-25....) that are likely not to need cleaning until, say..., a year has passed... an instruction and installation manual that makes no mention of these things. You are apparently fine if you agree to the blackmail that is the service contract, but otherwise, hey, just scrap it and lay out another $ 900.00 for a new one. It's actually not broken at all, but you will feel so special if you buy something new, and undoubtedly better. Or not.

I am reminded of the movie Brazil.

Grrrr.